Night before chemo #4

So tomorrow will be chemo #4 and the end of cycle 2. I'll either be 1/2 or 1/3 done with chemo!  The total number of cycles is still up in the air.  It'll either be a total of 4 cycles or 6 cycles depending on what my PET scan looks like. That'll happen in a few weeks.  Boy, time flies! (Not really)

This past week has been uneventful.  No news is good news, right!?  This week has dragged on and I've been anticipating this next chemo with mild waves of nausea.  Last Friday, I had a CBC (my WBC and  neutrophils are lower than normal, no big surprise).  I've never done a CBC with this nurse (Laverne) before and she offered me the option of getting blood drawn through the port.  I normally get blood drawn by needle in my arm by the guy who also runs the lab so I was like why not?! No needle in my arm sounds great!  I was wrong. So wrong.  Getting anything in and out of a port requires a saline and heparin flush to prevent clotting.  And the thing about getting those 2 through the port is that you can taste them - and they taste like a hospital smells and I've associated that smell/taste with chemo.  I instantly get nauseous when she does the initial flush and again when she flushes before yanking the needle out of my chest.  Most of the nausea of chemo with none of the benefits (wait, did I just say that?). Well, to be fair, I also didn't get any of the fatigue or followup nausea of chemo.  But the less nauseous I can choose to be, the better.  I've learned my lesson, Laverne.

I've also been wearing my fuzzy almost-bald hair out and about. I mostly don't care what people think of my hair.  I did wear a knit hat to the Target and Home Depot out in way West Austin, but now I feel ignorant for doing so. I didn't want people staring but after walking around the outer part of HD in 85° degree with a stupid knit cap, I ripped it off and stopped caring. It only took that one time. Now the "cold" on the other hand, haha. I put that in quotes because it's only dropped to about 60° in the last week and I wore a small hat out because eff that breeze.  I hadn't realize how much insulation hair gave to my neck and head. I've only had little kids stare, but seriously, they will stare at anything.  I've had one person ask what happened to my hair. It was the sushi chef at a Korean restaurant Damien and I go to about once a quarter. I'm not sure if he recognized me or was just curious. I told him I had cancer. He apologized and hoped I got better. NBD.

Damien and I have started walking and sort of running 2 miles everyday. This started when my parents were still in town. They're not here now and I miss them tremendously.  My mom texted to ask if I wanted them down in Austin this treatment and I called them back only to get the instant hangup-straight-to-voicemail. She then texts and tells me they're at the movies... kids these days. Anyways, back to the walk-running.  In the 2 miles we traverse, I only run about 1/8 of it.  I've never been a runner and can't seem to push myself to run for more than a few minutes. I get bored and then focus on the uncomfortable feeling of running and soon, I get overwhelmed with the feeling to stop. So I do. I'm going to try to be better about being motivated and my endurance.  Damien has been by my side cheering me on (and also working on his own fitness, yay). My goal is to be able to run a whole mile nonstop by my 30th birthday.  Haha, after rereading that last sentence, I now realize how sad that goal is.  It don't matter.  Something is better than nothing. Keep me to my word, readers.

In good news, I can no longer feel the big lump that used to be under my clavicle to the left of my sternum.  The only palpable thing left is a tiny bump where my biopsy was perfomed. The lump that was further up my clavicle has gone down as well!

Guys, I feel really good about that :)

We've been walking (and starting to run) for 2 weeks now. Now I don't feel right at the end of the day if I haven't walked 2 miles

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Apr 3, 2015 at 9:43pm PDT

Rocking the swim cap look because it's a teensy bit chilly tonight #nohair

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Apr 4, 2015 at 6:02pm PDT

Farewell, hair! Part III

I finally did it!  I asked my mom to buzz off the rest of my hair today!  My mom was nervous and took her job really seriously.  And since we were both noobs at this, it took about an hour and 4 iterations of cutting/buzzing.  She started with scissors to get most of the length out of the way (we were worried the clippers would tug at my hair), buzzed with 2 different attachments, then finally just did it without any guards to get it super short. Like I said, noobs!  We realized we could have went straight to the last step halfway through the last step. So I'm not completely bald, but now I don't have to deal with hair falling out as much.

My head feels so light and I can feel the breeze against my scalp which is so new and strange!  And now I know for sure that my head is pretty round and symmetric.  And small, according to my mom and Damien.  Those were their first comments about my new haircut hah. 

Bye hair! #nohair #hodgkinslymphoma

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Mar 26, 2015

My mom buzzed my hair off today! We're noobs so it took us forever. #nohair #hodgkinslymphoma

A video posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Mar 26, 2015 at 4:21pm PDT

At the end of that video, she says my head is really small.  Here's a time lapse one of the process.  The yellow towel unintentionally makes me look like a monk haha

I like it!  I won't have to deal with hair during the hot Texas summer, so yay!

Post Chemo #3

Man, this last chemo hit me worse than the other ones.  I was wiped out Friday afternoon through Tuesday.  I slept all weekend and only woke to eat and watch Divergent (I thought the movie was better than the book and I kinda want to watch Insurgent now).  I felt so fatigued and unmotivated, which then makes me feel bad about everything because I'm usually content doing just about anything.  I had some periods of restless arm syndrome where my arms from my elbow to my shoulder had this sensation that's hard to describe.  I just had to move them because that feeling was driving me nuts.  You can just imagine me flapping my arms on the couch because that's literally what I did hah.  The feeling would go away after like 20 minutes, THANK GOODNESS.  I'm finally feeling normal again today (5 days post-treatment).  My parents came down Monday and my mom, of course, tries to feed me every hour.  But I'm not complaining because I've gotten some awesome home cooked meals out of this, score!  Also, my mom loves to clean and my dad loves to fix things, so I'm winning all around.  They're also my new walking buddies during the day.  The weather's been wonderful lately in Austin, so I've been taking walks after breakfast the last 2 days. 

Oh, some goodish news - the results from the pulmonary function test that I took after chemo #2 shows no decline in my lung function (one of the side effects of bleomycin). 

Some not-so-goodish news - the rate at which my hair is falling out has increased.  Time to bite the bullet and buzz it off! 

Chemo #3

Happy belated St. Patrick's day!  I did absolutely nothing for it..  Unless you count going out to sushi with my brother a celebration.

Kevin came down Sunday through Tuesday and spent the first part of his spring break with me.  We both worked from home and watched many hours of House of Cards and Brooklyn Nine Nine.  It was great spending time with him, chilling, and chatting. He did leave the my sphere of boringness and went downtown to SXSW for a night and had fun. 

Yesterday, I went into work to clean up and pack my desk.  No freaking out! I wasn't fired and I didn't quit!  We are moving offices to a bigger better place. I went in because my desk is embarrassingly dirty and dusty.  I've missed being at work and around my coworkers.  They're wonderful caring people. I do talk to them when I work from home, but that's not a substitute for hallway chats and face time.  Many of my coworkers also chipped in and got Damien and me wedding gifts too!!  Totally unexpected and so so touching.  We received a Roomba (how have we lived without it?), an RC quadcopter with camera, a gift card to Travaasa Resort & Spa and a generous amount of cash.  I'm totally touched by all the other wedding gifts I've received from friends too - crystal toasting glasses, cute oil candles, ring holder, gift cards to amazon (the only place I shop nowadays), a gift card to Uchi (my favorite!) and the standard Chinese wedding gift - cash. I didn't really tell many people in person or personally that we were getting married because we didn't want the attention.  The blog entry was really the only place at first. Also, telling people that you have cancer followed by telling them you got married makes for some very awkward reactions in person haha.  People have extremely conflicted feelings to these pieces of news obviously.  I just want people to be happy!  But it turned out to be joyous! I'm really really empathetic (it's actually my top strength, says the book Now, Discover Your Strengths.  You NetQoSers should know all about that) so it really makes me happy to see people happy for us. 

Oh, so back to my visit to work.  It's been 2 months since I saw everyone.  I've been worried about catching something from a sick coworker.  There have been many times I've wanted to go in because working from home, while awesome, makes me start talking to my pets and then I start making little decisions based on their "input".  What should I have for lunch today, Tesla? Oh you think this smoked salmon smells interesting? Alrighty then!  Our CTO gave me a tour of the new office (it's in another building of the same complex and we walked over).  I have a window desk overlooking a field, yay.  I thanked him for being so supportive while I was going through this cancer thing.  He was so comforting (because who hasn't thought they were going to get fired when a long-term health issue comes up and you can't pay attention to work for days on end?).  He told me to look out for #, to focus on getting better, and to not worry about work.  My direct manager told me the same thing when this ordeal started and it's nice to hear it in person from our CTO.  I packed up my desk.  The things I've accumulated for the last almost 3 years at this job include 3 balloons-on-a-stick (Get Well Soon (which was sent for my birthday), Happy Birthday and Seasons Greetings), 2 teddy bears (1 of which cries and snores) and a few vases that hold other random junk. I only spent 3 hours at work but between the packing and walking, I felt wiped out when I got home.  It's a tiny bit frustrating to have something so minor make me tired on the last day of the cycle (a good 17 days after my 2nd cycle) but I will learn to accept this as normal...for now.

Today 3/20, I had my 3rd chemo session.  My oncologist is taking me off of Oxycontin since my chest pain has been nonexistent for the last month.  We're going to lower the dosage for the next month.  He warned me about narcotics withdrawal symptoms (anxiety, aches, diarrhea are just a few of them). I'm supposed to deal with the symptoms by taking a short term painkiller until I'm completely off oxy.  The chemo infusion itself lasted 2 hours.  I didn't nap, but got increasingly sleepy.  I could taste the drug more this time as they were going into my system - they taste like hospital cleaner and metal.  The metal has lasted all day now and it just make me nauseous.  I've been rinsing with biotene and that helps for a few hours.  I took a 2 hour map but I'm still fatigued.  I'm afraid these chemo recap posts are going to get repetitive soon. :\

So.. Picture time!

I bought a wig from gabalmania.com from South Korea!

Got myself a long wig! It's medium brown with a tinge of pink. Makes me miss my real long hair :(

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Mar 17, 2015 at 8:40pm PDT

More pics of the wig! I trimmed the bangs and sprayed it with dry shampoo to try to make it less shiny. #gabalmania #wig

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Mar 17, 2015 at 8:58pm PDT

Chemo #3 today! It's the start of my 2nd cycle of #ABVD. I'm feeling good and ready to sit around and take these drugs. #hodgkinslymphoma

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Mar 20, 2015 at 7:42am PDT

My view of the #chemo room. This place is usually full of patients and their family on Mondays and Tuesdays. Fridays are their slow days. These chairs are so comfy!

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Mar 20, 2015 at 8:55am PDT

I love you guys

Nooo, I'm not drunk haha. In fact, I haven't drank since before New Years Eve. I've been overwhelmed by all the outreach and kind words and prayers and gifts that Damien and I have received over the last 2 months.  I'm going to cry just thinking about it.  I feel so so so lucky to have so much support and love around me. 

End of First Cycle Recap

This post is an excuse for me to post pictures that my sister and I took over the past weekend :)

So my siblings came down to Austin to see me.  Peggy flew in from NYC and Kevin drove down from Dallas.  I took this one Sunday afternoon while we were waiting for my mom to make us lunch.  We are such kids.

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Mar 8, 2015 at 11:12pm CDT

I started knitting a hat with some leftover yarn because I hadn't done that in a while.  Here's me and Peggy.

Big sis. Knitting herself a hat to go with her knitted booties. #grandmastatus

A photo posted by @_peggyp on Mar 7, 2015 at 2:39pm CDT

Finished beanie.

I had a followup appointment and CBC on Monday.  My numbers are looking good according to the nurse practitioner.  My white blood cell count is actually higher than normal due to the Neulasta shot I got last Tuesday.  Here I am at the cancer center.  My shirt just happened to match the wrap they put on after they drew my blood.. and that just happened to match the stripes in my hat!

Stylin even at the clinic, this one! :) feels really, really, really good to be here with her

A photo posted by @_peggyp on Mar 9, 2015 at 9:31am CDT

I gathered the hair that fell out in during my shower tonight (to try not to clog the drain).  This blob of hair is as big as my hand.

Here is a picture of my port and the surgery scar.  The dermabond that the surgeon used to hold the incision shut finally fell off last week.  The port has 3 bumps that the oncology nurses feel for to position the Huber needle that they poke into the port.

Farewell, hair! Part II

My hair is falling out in bigger clumps now and I wore a hat for most of the day to .. catch it.  Seeing loose hair really grosses me out (apparently, that's just a me thing).  I showered, started washing my hair, and had strands upon strands just come out in my hand.  It was a bit traumatic (and I'm a bit dramatic).  I cried in the shower and then I cried to Damien, my sister and my mom.  I don't want to look sick even though I am.  Peggy said I'll be fine because I at least don't have a man-face.  Aww thanks Peggy :)

And after all that, I still had to tweeze my brows.  I'll be REALLY sad when those go.