Post chemo #8

I'm really happy you guys liked my last post :)  joking about cancer is how I deal with it. I can tell that it's off-putting to some people and sometimes, I feel like I should be more sensitive of how my cancer makes other people feel. But that's ridiculous!  My mood sets the mood for the conservation about cancer and I hate discussing it like I'm doomed or like it's a forbidden topic.

I have been taking this cancer life really seriously though and it has brought me down. I've been thinking about mortality constantly because some people really close to me have had to deal with a loss. I've gone down the terrible path of "what if" with my own diagnosis and leaving my family and friends behind. And that leads to worrying about my parents and my in laws.  I wish I could I keep everyone safe and healthy so nothing happens to them. So naive. I can't deal with that by joking around. It sucks. I'm so eloquent, I know.

Another thing that set off this week of bad thoughts is my interim PET/CT scan. This was the scan after 2 cycles of chemo that makes sure I'm responding to chemo.  The official report released to the radiological association's website a month after (so mid May)  so I could download and read it. I had glossed over the results of this scan in my post about it because that's how it was presented to me by the oncologist. I just knew I still had the mass but it was smaller and my lymph nodes weren't lighting up as much. Well, reading a medical report which you don't know what to interpret just freaked me out. Why did I do that to myself?! We went to my oncologist and asked him WTF what was going on. He reassured us and said I'm responding like 80% of patients do (which is an Asian F, btw). I've got some numbers to make me feel better though. Like this tidbit:

"The large mass in the left chest is significantly smaller today measuring approximately 10 x 7.7 cm on a similar slice previously measuring 12.4 x 9.5 cm."

Progress, yea!

I also had brown fat uptake in my neck and shoulders because I was cold. So this is why they put you in a sauna (figuratively) before the scan. This uptake shows up as bright spots just like the cancer does.

Anyways, sorry to be a downer in this post. I've got no abnormal things to write about. My CBC yesterday came back as normal as one can be on chemo. I got to see my uncle who is also battling cancer. His chemo regimen was tougher (sometimes with 8 hour treatments and he had to wear a pump around the clock for constant infusion) and he just had surgery to remove the tumor from his stomach. He's been worried about me and said he was relieved to see me taking chemo so well. He's the one who just had surgery and then traveled from Dallas to Austin! Talk about tough.

Happy Saturday!