Hair disclaimer

I realized last night that I should put a disclaimer on the hair thing. Your hair along with your eyelashes and eyebrows will probably fall out. My hair is still falling out.  I just didn't want to get your hopes up.

Today, I feel like a puddle of a person.

Cycle 5 - Chemos #9 and #10

Dear readers!  Sorry for the delayed updates - life has been slowly happening and writing it down is sometimes overwhelming to me.

Since I've talked to you last, I've finished cycle 5 of my ABVD chemo!  I had treatment #10 yesterday.  Only 1 more cycle (2 more treatments) to go!  This month has gone by pretty quickly.  My parents and brother came down the weekend of Father's day and we got to celebrate that and my mom's birthday.  I hadn't seen my parents in over a month so that was nice.  They got back home Sunday night to a busted 2nd floor toilet and a flooded house :(  Talk about stressful.  I've been trying to handle their insurance claim while they clean and pack up the house.  The ceiling above their kitchen caved in from the water and they've got massive damage to several rooms.  Our family's been through lots of shitty stuff this year.

I'm still chugging through treatments.  I asked my oncologist about the next steps and he said he wouldn't be surprised if I had to go through radiation because of the tumor in my chest.  A radiation oncologist would have to look at my case after my next PET scan (scheduled to happen sometime after chemo ends).  The future is still uncertain, which is frustrating to say the least.

Some positives: after treatment yesterday, I got a shoulder massage from a massage therapist who sets up shop every couple of weeks there.  It was divine.  BUT I was also kind of high on Ativan (to help with nausea) so my perception was definitely clouded.  I've also been getting massages with the awesome wonderful Kristen at Heart and Sole Massage every other week after treatment.  I had scheduled a massage on a whim about a month ago a few days after treatment because I just felt so stressed out and my shoulders were basically glued to my neck.  And it was the best thing EVER.  I was instantly stress-free and float-y (without being drugs hah), so I've been going back a week after treatment.  I hold my stress in my shoulders, neck, and jaw and Kristen just knows how to work it all out.  I cannot recommend her enough.  KRISTEN.  HEART AND SOLE MASSAGE.  GO NOW.  but don't take all the slots.

Also, how about that SCOTUS decision about gay marriage :D

SO I have run out of things to write about!  If you have any questions, ANY at all, leave a comment and I will answer.  When I first started this cancer journey, I scoured for blogs about hodgkin's lymphoma and reading others' experiences helped me prepare so I want to do that for others.

Here are some things I would've wanted to know:

1.  Not everyone loses all of their hair!  Case-in-point: me.  I was told to expect hair loss but wasn't told to what extent.  I ended up losing massive amounts of hair, but I had a ton to begin with.  My hair grows like a motherfucker so you can't really tell I'm a cancer patient.  People have said I "look really good".  Why thank you!  I aim to please your eyeballs.
1a.  Your pubes will fall out, but not everyone discusses that in their blog.  Mine haven't all fallen out but again YMMV (your mileage may vary).
2.  Getting fluids after your treatment will make you feel SO MUCH BETTER.  fluids = saline.  I get a liter bag 1 day after chemo but it's supposedly better to get it 3 days after (when the pre-meds wear off).  I find it helps with the swelling and dehydrated feeling I get right after chemo.  Imagine not drinking water for a few days - that's how I feel immediately after chemo.  My cuticles are all fucked up, my boogers are ultra-crusty and impair my breathing, my fingers and tongue are swollen and I have tree trunks for legs.
3.  Your urine will smell like chemo meds for 2-3 days after treatment.  GOD it makes me gag every time.
4.  Chemo patients are generally very friendly and they will tell you all about their cancer and treatment if you ask. Not everyone is angry or sad.
5.  The steroids you get for pre-meds will make you eat like it's the week before your period or a pubescent boy. 

So, let me know what questions you have!  In the meantime, here are some pictures.

💖G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on May 16, 2015 at 10:57am PDT

I forgot to post #8!

#chemo #8 today! Only 4 more to go! I'll be 2/3 of the way done after this one. It's so close I can taste it! No wait.. That's just the meds. #hodgkinslymphoma

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on May 29, 2015 at 8:25am PDT

#chemo #9! It's the start of my 5th cycle. Only 3 more treatments after this. I put on jeans instead of yoga pants and a non-t-shirt shirt today. So ready to go back to normal! #hodgkinslymphoma #cancer #ABVD

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Jun 12, 2015 at 8:04am PDT

I stopped buzzing my hair and you can tell my hair's still growing!

#chemo #10! It's the end of cycle 5! Only 2 more sessions/1 more cycle! #hodgkinslymphoma #soclose

A photo posted by Karen (@thekaren) on Jun 26, 2015 at 8:42am PDT

Vincristine (top) and Adriamycin (bottom)

 

 

 

 

Adriamycin going in me

Post chemo #8

I'm really happy you guys liked my last post :)  joking about cancer is how I deal with it. I can tell that it's off-putting to some people and sometimes, I feel like I should be more sensitive of how my cancer makes other people feel. But that's ridiculous!  My mood sets the mood for the conservation about cancer and I hate discussing it like I'm doomed or like it's a forbidden topic.

I have been taking this cancer life really seriously though and it has brought me down. I've been thinking about mortality constantly because some people really close to me have had to deal with a loss. I've gone down the terrible path of "what if" with my own diagnosis and leaving my family and friends behind. And that leads to worrying about my parents and my in laws.  I wish I could I keep everyone safe and healthy so nothing happens to them. So naive. I can't deal with that by joking around. It sucks. I'm so eloquent, I know.

Another thing that set off this week of bad thoughts is my interim PET/CT scan. This was the scan after 2 cycles of chemo that makes sure I'm responding to chemo.  The official report released to the radiological association's website a month after (so mid May)  so I could download and read it. I had glossed over the results of this scan in my post about it because that's how it was presented to me by the oncologist. I just knew I still had the mass but it was smaller and my lymph nodes weren't lighting up as much. Well, reading a medical report which you don't know what to interpret just freaked me out. Why did I do that to myself?! We went to my oncologist and asked him WTF what was going on. He reassured us and said I'm responding like 80% of patients do (which is an Asian F, btw). I've got some numbers to make me feel better though. Like this tidbit:

"The large mass in the left chest is significantly smaller today measuring approximately 10 x 7.7 cm on a similar slice previously measuring 12.4 x 9.5 cm."

Progress, yea!

I also had brown fat uptake in my neck and shoulders because I was cold. So this is why they put you in a sauna (figuratively) before the scan. This uptake shows up as bright spots just like the cancer does.

Anyways, sorry to be a downer in this post. I've got no abnormal things to write about. My CBC yesterday came back as normal as one can be on chemo. I got to see my uncle who is also battling cancer. His chemo regimen was tougher (sometimes with 8 hour treatments and he had to wear a pump around the clock for constant infusion) and he just had surgery to remove the tumor from his stomach. He's been worried about me and said he was relieved to see me taking chemo so well. He's the one who just had surgery and then traveled from Dallas to Austin! Talk about tough.

Happy Saturday!